In a world that is becoming increasingly disconnected, strong relationships are crucial for us to feel a connection to one another and are essential for a happy and fulfilled life. However, they don’t always happen naturally, and building them takes time, effort, dedication and trust that has to be developed! When we talk about relationships, often people jump to thinking of romantic relationships, but building strong and healthy relationships go far beyond those. Most of us are surrounded by relationships in all areas of our life – from our job, friendships, family members, and acquaintances.

Healthy and fulfilling relationships throughout our lives are crucial to our well-being – but they require constant maintenance and can take a lot of work to fix if they break down. In this blog article, we discuss the foundations for building and maintaining strong, healthy and happy relationships within your life.

  

1) Define your idea of a good relationship. 

 

First, define your idea of a good relationship. What does this look like? You are likely to have a picture in your mind about what the “perfect” relationship looks like, and you can use this as inspiration. However, bear in mind no relationship is ever perfect, even if it appears so on the outside! It comes down to what you do on a day-to-day basis that makes the biggest difference in building strong relationships and to repairing them if they break down. 

 

2) Know your worth. 

 

Know your worth and what you bring to your relationships. If you are kind, loyal and have good listening skills, you have everything you need to keep your relationships strong and fix any setbacks that crop up. We can often overlook the good qualities we can bring to our relationships and this lack of confidence can cause problems.

 

3) Communicate well

 

Communication is so important in any relationship. In fact, it’s the lifeblood and a relationship will always struggle without good communication. This works both ways and it’s crucial to be approachable, as well as to be able to communicate your needs and feelings clearly and directly. Ask yourself what things you may have been withholding because you’re afraid to ruin a relationship? Sharing your emotions will actually strengthen your relationships. 

 

Look at the situation from your perspective too. Has it been this way for a while? Was there a time in the relationship when things were good? You can use this insight to guide the relationship in the future. Perhaps there are things you could both do differently to achieve a different outcome.

 

It all starts with honest communication about what has gone wrong and how it can be fixed. Although being honest about uncomfortable or difficult issues can be daunting, as long as they are delivered in a sensitive manner the person should respect and hold space for you to talk. If something in the relationship is troubling you, don’t be afraid to address it. Of course, this may raise things that are hard to hear. Be prepared to listen regardless of how it makes you feel and to resist the temptation to react impulsively.  

 

Acknowledge what you are being told and repeat it back. This can be as simple as saying, “What I hear you saying is …” so that the other party knows that you have taken it on board. Very often, we fail to do this properly because we get so defensive at what we’re hearing and respond negatively. If this has happened to you, you’ll know just how quickly this can lead to the deterioration of a discussion!

 

Ultimately, lack of communication can be the way a relationship breaks down. Don’t be afraid to reach out first! It can be tempting to wait for them to message you or just to avoid talking about a difficult topic, but these will only cause more issues down the line and potentially lead to more cracks in the relationship. Consistency, honesty and an open line of communication are key pillars to maintaining a happy healthy relationship with trust!

 

4) Demonstrate empathy

 

Think of your relationships as emotional bank accounts. You can’t keep making “withdrawals” from the account without first putting in deposits. This is where kindness and empathy become so important for maintaining relationships.

 

We all have a unique way of seeing and understanding the world and this may be very different from the way that other people view it.

 

Because we all have our own experiences that have affected this filter, the way that we think and behave can vary a lot, even as a reaction to the same thing. This is why it’s so crucial to demonstrate empathy and try to understand the perspectives of the other person rather than pass judgement. It can be helpful to try and put yourselves in their shoes, and take your own emotions out of it – as hard as this can be! Remember, everyone may be going through a battle we perhaps don’t know about. Even in the closest relationships, there may be a lot going on for that person beneath the surface, so try to look a little deeper and consider how that person may be feeling instead of making rash decisions clouded by your own judgement.

 

Sometimes, it’s important to recognise when space is needed to allow things to settle down and how much space will work best.

 

 

5) Establish boundaries

 

Ask yourself the following questions:

What is acceptable and what isn’t?

What non-negotiable values do you have that are incredibly important to you?  

 

Setting healthy boundaries can help you to avoid a lot of pain and frustration further down the line in your relationship. It’s not just for the benefit of others though. Your highest value(s) can be anything you choose but you need to demonstrate a commitment to it and make it a key part of your own daily practice. This sends a strong message to the Universe that you’ll accept nothing less than this value from others.

 

But it’s important to realise that boundaries are preferences, rather than expectations. If you expect people to behave only in specific ways, it opens the door to a huge amount of disappointment if it’s not the reality. Downgrading your expectations means you can encourage change as you reinforce your preferred boundaries and allow the opportunity for the other person to make changes in their own time. 

 

If you have relationships that require a lot of time and are struggling to maintain or feel this is too demanding, be honest and communicate this with the other party. Remember – you are allowed to say no to plans, events and are entitled to time away and your own life. Likewise, this also goes for the vice versa. Try to remind yourself to respect the other parties’ time, and avoid pressuring them into giving up their time or forcing them into social commitments. 

 

 

6) Respect each other’s values

 

Boundaries and values work both ways. The other party in the relationship likely has their own values and respecting these helps them to feel valued and accepted. In some relationships, you may find you align closely with each other’s values, which is a great sign of a healthy, deeper relationship, where you share common ground with one another.   

 

We all have slightly different values to one another, and in some relationships, you may find you align less with some of their values or vice versa – which is fine as long as respect is there! However, if you are in a relationship where you are constantly having to compromise on your key values, it may be time to assess if the relationship is healthy and fulfilling for you (and for them!) Although it can be daunting raising value-based discussions within relationships, constantly swallowing them will only lead to you feeling out of alignment with your true authentic self. Healthy and strong relationships should be a place where you both respect and encourage one anothers values, bringing out the best in each other. 

 

 

7) Be mindful of your emotions

 

Taking care of yourself is often overlooked when it comes to strong relationships and a key part of this is being mindful of how your thoughts and emotions may affect yourself and your relationships.

 

Acknowledging your moods can stop them from spilling over to other people. Our emotions have a big impact on our physiology and can affect how we feel and behave.  

 

Taking the time to check in with your emotions and how they may impact your behaviour can be a powerful way to keep your relationships strong and healthy.

 

If you are in a particularly bad mood or have strong negative emotions towards someone, it can be a good idea to allow yourself time to process these before expressing how you feel about the conversation. It can be easy when in a highly emotional state to say the wrong thing or miscommunicate, which can cause issues down the line. Allow yourself to take a moment, and when you have clarity even jot a few points down that you would like to deliver to the person. This will be far better received and help you to open up a line of communication which allows you to express your feelings in a healthy way!

 

 

8) Recognise patterns

 

The words you say to yourself internally may seem irrelevant to your relationships but it’s surprising how often they can have an impact – often without you even being aware.

 

Instead of reminding yourself of everything you have done “wrong”, try switching to where you can improve instead. It’s a small tweak but it can transform how you speak to yourself. Where do your strengths lay and what are the areas you can improve on? What activities can you do every day to make you feel good and practice self-care?

 

Sometimes, you may only need a simple reset – walking in nature or just a few long, deep breaths – to balance your mind and emotions and break the pattern. Or journaling, mediation, yoga and breathwork can also be amazing outlets to provide you with clarity and to help you to reconnect with yourself. We all need some time away for just focusing on the ‘me’, and this can sometimes benefit the relationship – allowing you to come back refreshed, recharged and ready to dedicate more time!

 

This quote from Lost Connections by Johann Hari is a fantastic way to sum up our social needs as humans: “Just like bees evolved to live in a hive, humans evolved to live in a tribe.” Our relationships give us a sense of belonging and purpose and we need these social connections to thrive.